*DISCLAIMER: I have never read any of the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer, nor do I ever intend to – I was dragged to see the movie with my girlfriend. Consider this review invalid, if you feel that the movie should be reviewed by a fan of the book, as after all it is an adaptation. Spoilers alert!
If you’re a fan, a girl, or a fangirl, there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy Twilight. If you’re anybody else, don’t go.
The first question to any adaptation of an existing literary work is going to be, “is the movie faithful to the novel”? Well, my girlfriend read all the books, and she liked the movie. So, there you go. I can then tell you that Twilight the movie will probably be enjoyed by fans of the book; but really, that sentence could also be stated “Twilight will probably be enjoyed by fans of Twilight”, a piercing insight I’m sure I don’t have to explain further. If you were a fan of the books you can probably stop reading this right here.
For the rest of you, let’s move on.
The plot of Twilight is fairly straightforward. Bella Swan (played by Kristen Stewart), the new girl in town falls in love with mysterious and attractive Edward Cullen (played by Robert Pattinson), who tries unsuccessfully to not love her. He saves her from danger several times with his superpowers, so she starts asking questions. After an anticlimactic identity reveal and some decidedly non-sexual intimacy, they seem to get along with each others’ families (Bella’s dad is divorced, while Edward’s adopted in a clan of vampires). Just when they were set to be the hot item at the school prom, a hastily introduced villain threatens Bella’s life, and Edward saves her. Cue happy ending and a sequel setup.
Twilight is a teen life drama through and through. Sure, they tossed in a couple of immortal 17-year old superhumans, but all the typical elements are there: high school setting, something different about our protagonist, dysfunctional family life, prom dance, forbidden love, a handsome and inexplicably single guy, no sex, the emotional range of a pink piece of balsa wood, and enough angst to drown in.
There is even a scene where Bella and her girl friends pick out prom dresses. I guess the part where they discuss Johnny Depp while painting each others’ toenails was cut out but will be included in the DVD. The director, Catherine Hardwicke actually had to periodically throw in scenes of people getting attacked to remind the viewers that there are vampires in this movie.
Also, remember that Asian comic-relief guy, Justin Chon, from the movie, 21? He’s back, cast as an Asian comic relief guy – Eric Yorkie.
Action scenes and set pieces look low budget. There’s little character development because the time span of the movie is 4 months of events condensed into 2 hours. Supporting characters arepredictably one-dimensional, while the main characters have scarcely more depth. Literally nothing in this movie is anything to write home about—except maybe the male lead, who is apparently super sexy. The female lead meanwhile looks like an angsty Youtube vlogger (video blogger), obliterating the last reason for a guy to watch this.
So it’s a bad movie, I guess. But then, it’s bad in such a way that it can’t really be faulted. You can see through occasional witty dialogue and the lack of overacting (except for the Asian guy, I guess) that the director tried her best to work with the material at hand. I can’t rail against the movie because I honestly don’t care that much—it doesn’t tickle my happy places, but it doesn’t punch me in the face either.
When I sat down to write this review, I was prepared to deliver at least 1000 words of bile and jokes. As you can see I have failed in that endeavor; the movie is a big uniform pile of “ehhh”. Not recommendable on any grounds but the obvious one, but not enough of an assault on sensibilities to provoke a negative reaction, either. Since I didn’t pay for my ticket—or the large drink and nachos—I can’t even pull the “what a waste of money” card.
*where you can learn more about Twilight: http://www.twilightthemovie.com/
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